June, 2007

Manheim Steamroller

June 8th, 2007 June 8th, 2007
Posted in Best Of, Music
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This is the technique mentioned in the previous blog, fleshed out into an actual song.

Again, the guitar was recorded an octave low and at half-speed, then doubled.  Sort of an 80’s synth vibe going on here.. I’m not sure why the guitar came out sounding that way, but I swear by the end it resembles the Manheim Steamroller..  In fact, there are no synths in this at all.  The drums are from audio clips that have been processed and recycled.

Tone

June 8th, 2007 June 8th, 2007
Posted in Science / Tech, Music
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John was kind enough to let me experiment on his guitar, and this is the result..

The sound produced by an instrument consists of a fundamental frequency, which determines what note you hear and continually changes as the instrument is played, as well as higher frequency harmonics that have a consistent relationship to the fundamental and give the instrument it’s characteristic timbre.  The harmonics color the sound and make it unique.

Without going into detail, I basically reversed the phase of one of the guitar pickups, which now produces a wave that is a mirror image of the other, normal pickups.  When the pickups are used together, their outputs cancel out since the mirror image waveform is the opposite of the other, normal wave.  However, since the pickups are in different places on the guitar, their outputs are somewhat different - only the parts that are the same cancel out, and the different parts remain.  The fundamental frequency of the guitar is pretty much the same, regardless of the pickup position, but the high frequency harmonics change a lot as the pickup location chages because their wavelength is shorter.  This means that the net output has a greater proportion of harmonics, and thus more of the characteristic guitar sound.  It is also much quieter, but since the guitar is electric, I can just turn up the amp.

The result sounds really good clean - almost like bells, or perhaps an acoustic guitar instead of electric, but not so good distorted.  I tried something else unusual on this recording as well.  It was played and recorded at half speed, then doubled.  This should give better high-frequency resolution, but it was a pain in the neck to do.  And yes, I really can play that fast.

Improvise!

June 8th, 2007 June 8th, 2007
Posted in Music
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This isn’t nearly as polished as the last couple pieces I’ve put up, but I think it’s got a nice raw energy.

It’s just electric guitar, with pretty much no editing.  A couple weaker sections were just removed, but nothing spliced together or polished up.  Oh, also the last note has a little phase reversal thing done to it.

Into the Future

June 8th, 2007 June 8th, 2007
Posted in Best Of, Humor, Art
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I’m still working on those headshots for the job application, but I’m thinking of starting my own buisness doing photo retouching on the side as well.  I had lunch with my grandparents today, and when the grandmothers heard I worked on mom’s photo, they practically pounced on me and begged me to do theirs.  It really is sad, but I figure I might as well go along with it and I’ve tried my very best on this next set of pictures to show off my skills.

The first photo is my grandmother as she is now - i.e. the unaltered picture.  She’s the lady on the left and I only worked on her, not the other woman.  The second photo is with changes to make her look younger.  I’ve attempted to take ~15 years off her current age.  Any more than that, and even if it’s well done it starts to look like a different person.

The third photo is where I really cut loose.  It’s relatively easy to make someone look younger - you just smooth out areas of skin and cover them with flat, blended color.  It is much harder to make them look older, since the effects of aging have to be drawn in.  What I’m shooting for in the 3rd photo is my grandmother 30 years older than she is now.  It’s a challenging goal, but I think I’ve done a wonderful job, if I do say so myself.   I hope you are also impressed, and if you want any photo retouching done, I’m offering my services at $30 for the first hour + $15 for each additional hour.

So, here’s the original:

Here’s Grandma, 15 years younger:

Finally, here she is 30 years older:

Photoshop and the Lies we are Fed

June 8th, 2007 June 8th, 2007
Posted in Best Of, Social Commentary, Art
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I’m applying for a job retouching photos for an add agency.  They require 3 before / after headshots as part of the application.  I retouch pictures all the time but I never do people, so I’m currently fixing up portraits of my mother, grandmother, and brother.

I’ve worked with Photoshop for 6 years now, and as a consequence I can tell when images have been altered.  I pick out the modifications in magazine spreads and on billboards to amuse myself while waiting for the dentist or the bus.  The practice is so universal I often assume everyone knows about it.  And most people do know, on some level…  I knew, even when I was little, that people with computers made changes to the pictures in my magazines.

Unfortunately, knowledge isn’t enough to protect us from everything that’s false.  We are constantly assaulted with images, far to much information to analyze, and the normal, natural response is to believe them.  Our brains are wired to trust our eyes, and for good reason.  Until 20 or 30 years ago this kind of subtle deception was impossible - if you saw someone’s face, that was their face, no need to waste time considering.

The upshot is for each advertisement we pick apart and reject, a hundred others slip through the gate while the gatekeeper is occupied and are welcomed by the subconscious as truth.  I’m lucky.  I’ve spent so much time immersed in the software that I can see the deception without thinking.  The rest of you aren’t as lucky, and while you may not realize it, the deception is all around you.  I’d say 95% of the images in newspapers and magazines have been significantly altered (i.e. not just color correction).

As an example, lets take a look at what I’ve been working on.  First the original:

And now the altered version:

Some of the changes are easy to spot.  The center vase on the windowsill has been removed and the missing background drawn in (just for fun).  The molding on the wall has been removed.  The saturation and contrast have been increased.

Something else is going on however - something subtle and insidious - something you may not have noticed.  Start by inspecting my mother’s forearm.  See how the blemishes and imperfections are missing?  This is called airbrushing, and is standard in every magazine shot (her face is airbrushed as well but the arm is easier to see because I did a poor job on it.  I went too far and it isn’t quite believable.)  Now, look at the shape of the arm.  It is not just smoother but smaller as well.  In fact, I shrunk her whole body, dropped her shoulder, and lifted the right side of her chest (left side of picture).  All this makes her look thinner and younger.

Similar tricks were done with the face.  I trimmed the sides of her cheeks and the bags under her eyes, removed many of the wrinkles and blemishes, subtly raised the corner of her mouth to give her a more pleasant look, evened out her skin tone, and softened and colored her hair.  The final result is something that looks like my mother perhaps 15 years ago.  I’m an amateur - someone really good could knock off 20 or 25 years.

Are these changes, these visual deceptions, harmful?  It isn’t an easy question.  We often discuss the impact of advertisements on body image, and though it isn’t the most important problem it is perhaps the most obvious.  When we constantly see people with artificially perfect bodies we start to think of them as normal, and of course we can’t measure up, hence depression, anorexia, marital strain and sexual issues, etc.

The real evidence of harm, and in fact what set off this blog, is my mother’s reaction to her picture.  She hugged me, almost started crying, and said, “It’s me, but how I’m supposed to look.”  That’s what advertising does to people.  I don’t know how to protect you or myself, but I at least want to make you aware, and to remind you that everything, everyone you see in an add is fake.

Aaarghghgh

June 8th, 2007 June 8th, 2007
Posted in Personal Anecdotes
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My ex keeps coming to church on Sunday night, chatting with everyone, bringing gifts to people she has met like once, then asking me out to dinner so I can look like an ass when I say no.  All this while making snide comments on the side with no one listening.  And now I’m going to look like an ass again writing about it.  In fact, I’m sure no one will believe me when I say she is using them to try to manipulate me, though she’s basically admitted as much.  She can be very sweet, and CDs and chocolate! and I’m just a cold jerk.

I’m not sure if she wants to guilt me into coming back or if it’s merely spite.  She tried this with my parents and brother, acted like she wanted to be super close friends.  They were and are very nice to her, but when she realized she couldn’t turn them on me she stopped talking to them.

Apparently it’s been more effective this time - I had to have a long conversation with someone today to convince them I’m not a jerk.  I found out from them she’s been calling another one of my friends (apparently on a number of occasions), talking about who knows what.  They probably think I’m a jerk too, though they’ve not said anything and still put up with me, which just shows how great they are.

I’m sorry everyone.. please don’t hate me.  I know she gave you candy and CDs and it looks like I’m being mean.  When we were together she had good reason to treat me badly.  The situation has changed, however, and apart from the fact that she continually changes her mind, everyone who knows all the details agrees it would be a really bad idea for me to go back.  So please don’t think I’m a jerk, but I’m just not going back to her.

On the positive side, we’ve got essentially a full band now (though it might not last long), and it’s got the potential to sound really good.  Lots of compliments already, and we’ve only played together like this once before.  People say they are served by the music, which is encouraging.

Steel Stripes

June 8th, 2007 June 8th, 2007
Posted in Best Of, Music
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More new music..

This one has *gasp* an electric guitar.

John keeps telling me I need singing, so I think I’ll just give it a go myself.  It’s probably going to be either this song or the last one I posted, so which of the two would you all rather hear full length with vocals?

Retroactive

June 8th, 2007 June 8th, 2007
Posted in Best Of, Music
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Finally something..

I’m working on a full length song that should be up soon, but this came in the interim.  Not spectacular, but not bad.

Bah

June 8th, 2007 June 8th, 2007
Posted in Personal Anecdotes
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Jack, the owner of WePackItAll, routinely searches the internet for any mention of his company. I’ve posted lots of blogs about work and this one was recently indexed by Google (I’m so proud! Go read it so you have a point of reference.) - it now shows up under searches for “WePackItAll” on the second results page. Last Wednsday Jack read my blog, called me into his office, then promptly fired me.

He gave a little speach before kicking me out that I’ve summarized for you below (quotes just indicate Jack talking - I’ve paraphrased but his language was similar):

1) “How dare you say such a thing in public! It’s like slapping me in the face! This is slander! You could be sued! If you have problems with the company you bring them to me!”

2) “How dare you use the trademarked WePackItAll name outside the company? You could be sued sued sued!”

3) “How dare you post the text of one of our SOP’s on the internet? You even have it in quotes here! This is intellectual property theft, stealing our trade secrets and revealing them, undermining our competitiveness. I could have you thrown in prison!”

4) “How could you do this to me after all the oppertunities I’ve given you? I can’t believe you’d do such a thing.. I just can’t believe it.. it’s disgusting..”

5) “You’re fired. Brian, escort him out of the building and make sure he doesn’t go anywhere else … you’d better take down that post if you don’t want to get sued.”

The blog is quite obviously tongue in cheek, meant to be comedy, and reader response was positive. It is also somewhat harsh, and the guy who originally wrote the procedures could legitimately be offended. I would understand if Jack were perturbed (even though I’m critiquing the literary style of an inherently non-literary document no longer in use and written by a man who doesn’t work for the company anymore), but certainly not this explosion of fury???

Since Jack and his lawyer are watching this site to see if I remove the blog, I’ve read the pertinent sections of our legal code and written a point by point rebuttal for their benefit:

1) You would be suing me for libel, not slander. Statements are only libelous if they contain factually incorrect information - true statements and statements of opinion are exempt, and my blog consists entirely of the latter.

2) The Fair Use clause of US copyright law permits free use of copyrighted material in the context of commentary, parody, or critique, so long as there is no intention to profit.

3) Information can only qualify as a trade secret if there is an effort to prevent it’s distribution. You freely email your SOPs to anyone who asks for them.

4) I didn’t intend to do anything to you. As for opportunities.. what? the opportunity to be overworked and paid a third of what I’m worth? (programmers aren’t cheap, and I know what you pay the IT staff)

5) You think I’m going to sabotage your stupid plant or something? Not all of us are so childish. I would have retracted the post if you’d just asked, but since you threatened to sue and acted like an ass it’s definitely not comming down.

Quotes

June 8th, 2007 June 8th, 2007
Posted in Humor
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Two quotes from the girl I work with:

(after throwing up - she is sick):  “..It came up so pretty..”

(while leaving for the restroom):  “Hang on, I need to go get the nostrils off my face.”